What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 09:20
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Why do our deceased do not protect us from other bad spirits?
So, i spoilt her more .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But, we were locked up after school.
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I did it because my mum asked me too!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
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He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Would this be the day?
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We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I could never make a relationship work though!
When she asked me how she looked .
Im still living with it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was very sick at this time too.
What’s a mistake most guys make when trying to get a girlfriend?
As i do to all so called friends.?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
What is the most offensive thing someone has ever asked you?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was scared of men, in general
She was in good health!
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I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Who then, do I blame.?
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I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
So whats the point in blame.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
How do Flat Earthers explain time zones?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And i lived it daily.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Put me off passion for life!!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But ive been too sick for many years..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She married twice! .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
We all went to grammer schools
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I write beautiful poetry .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I waited trembling.
She wouldn,t have been !
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Especially a lifetime of it.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
It was going to be , some day.
I was seconnd youngest,
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He resisted the act ,that day.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I said to her
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
(And it was in our own minds.)
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
This is soul school!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Comes on , in middle age.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
All the time i was locked up.
My life is so biszare .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We were not on the streets..
One cannot live in the past .
But it wasn’t much.
She found it foreign!.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I never cut or harmed myself..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I think the readers, may guess!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I couldn’t, believe it.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My family never makes their pension either.
I don,t even have a pension.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Ive learnt so much.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He knew the spot.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
What did i know ?
Why did i forgive my father ?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was 9 years of age.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I have no regrets .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She loved him until the end.
I will be 64.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Was to survive, this bastard.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.